Why We Feel Like a Fraud

Why We Feel Like a Fraud

Author: Sanskruti Shinde Sonar

It was a chilly afternoon when I met Joy (The name used in this story is a pseudonym to protect client privacy) in my office.
He was sitting stiffly, nervously twisting his wedding ring. His voice wavered as he spoke. “I feel like I’m just faking it, like any moment someone’s going to find out that I’m not as capable as they think. I’m terrified of being exposed as a fraud.”
As Joy shared his worries, I could see how deeply this fear affected him. Whether it was leading a project at work or attending a professional event, he constantly battled the nagging voice in his head that whispered, You don’t deserve this. You’re not good enough.
This wasn’t the first time I’d heard these feelings. Many clients grapple with the same overwhelming sense of inadequacy. And while Joy’s experiences were uniquely his, they brought to mind a pervasive psychological phenomenon: imposter syndrome.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

I explained it to Joy in simple terms: “Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling that you’re not as competent or capable as others perceive you to be, despite evidence to the contrary. It’s as if you’re playing a role in a show and any moment, someone will pull back the curtain and reveal you’re not the expert they think you are. You start to believe that your achievements are just flukes or that you’re somehow fooling everyone.”
Joy’s expression reflected a mix of surprise and recognition. “That’s exactly how I feel. Every time I get a promotion or an award, it feels like luck, not skill. I’m always waiting for someone to say, ‘You don’t belong here.’”
I nodded, understanding. “That’s the core of imposter syndrome—it convinces you that you don’t belong, even when all evidence says otherwise.”

The Science Behind It

I shared a study that might resonate with him: “Research by Dr. Pauline Rose Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes first introduced the concept of imposter syndrome in 1978. They found that many high-achieving individuals—especially women at the time—reported feeling as if their success was undeserved. It was later found that imposter syndrome can affect people of all genders and backgrounds. It’s not about intelligence or ability; it’s about how we internalize our accomplishments and doubt our worth.”
Joy listened intently. “But how do I know if it’s real or just my mind making it worse?”
“Your feelings are real,” I assured him. “But what you’re assuming about yourself isn’t always true. The internal doubt you feel is the result of a negative thought cycle that feeds on your achievements and turns them into reasons for self-doubt.”

Why We Feel This Way

Imposter syndrome often stems from deep-seated beliefs about perfectionism and the fear of failure. It’s shaped by our upbringing, societal pressures, and even our own high expectations. When people are driven to succeed and strive for excellence, they might interpret their success as not matching their internal self-assessment. They may attribute their accomplishments to external factors, such as luck or help from others, instead of acknowledging their skills and hard work.
I asked Joy, “When you receive praise or recognition, what’s your immediate reaction?”
He smiled wryly, “I dismiss it, thinking, They don’t really know how much I struggled, or how close I was to failing.”
“That’s the cycle,” I said. “Imposter syndrome distorts your perception, making you feel unworthy of your achievements and fearful that you’re only one mistake away from being exposed.”

Steps to Combat Imposter Syndrome

Joy’s question was a familiar one: How do I overcome this feeling? While the journey won’t happen overnight, there are effective ways to manage and challenge these thoughts. I shared a few strategies with him:

1. Recognize and Name It: Acknowledge when you’re feeling like an imposter. Saying, I’m experiencing imposter syndrome right now, can help you separate your emotions from reality.

2. Reflect on Your Successes: Take time to list your accomplishments and the efforts it took to reach them. Remind yourself of the skills, hard work, and dedication that made them possible.

3. Reframe Your Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking, I’m not qualified enough, reframe it to, I’ve worked hard to get here, and I deserve to be here.

4. Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t downplay your successes. Take time to celebrate each achievement, no matter how small. This helps shift your focus from fearing exposure to recognizing growth.

Joy’s Progress

A few sessions later, Joy returned to my office one day with a lighter demeanor. He shared a story of presenting at a team meeting and feeling the familiar doubts creep in.
“I was about to dismiss the praise I got from my colleagues, but then I stopped and thought, No, I worked hard for this. I deserve to be here. It felt different. I didn’t let it spiral into that familiar feeling of being a fraud.”
His smile was genuine, his confidence shining through. “It’s not perfect, but I’m starting to see that I am capable, even when I make mistakes.”

Why This Matters

Joy’s story is a reminder that imposter syndrome can hold us back from embracing opportunities, feeling proud of our achievements, and stepping into our potential. But by challenging these false beliefs and shifting our perspective, we can start to see ourselves more clearly.
As I told Joy, “You’re not fooling anyone; the people around you see your value and hard work. And even if you have moments of doubt, that doesn’t diminish your achievements or your worth.”

Conclusion

If you’ve ever felt like Joy—fearful of being exposed as a fraud, doubting your capabilities, or downplaying your success—know that you’re not alone. Imposter syndrome is common, but it doesn’t have to define you.
Start by acknowledging the feeling, reflecting on your efforts, and embracing imperfection. Take small steps to challenge negative thoughts and remember that most people are too focused on their own lives to scrutinize yours.
And if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out. Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, mentor, or mental health professional, can help you navigate these feelings.
Remember: You’re not just the sum of your doubts. You’re the result of your hard work, your perseverance, and your unique strengths. Step into your light, not because others say you belong, but because you know you do.

Written by Sanskruti Shinde Sonar, with the hope that you’ll find the courage to embrace your achievements and recognize the truth—you are enough.